November 9, 2006
I’m sitting in my bed with music on, and my Christmas lights, along with my smiley lamp and the other string lights that are around my room. My cat is laying in front of me. He is the cutest kitten in the freakin world!!! Yeah, well my mom is officially halfway to completely being crazy! She got all mad at me because I didn’t want to sew up the laundry basket bag. It tore so she wanted me to stitch it up. I pretty much said, “I don’t want to,” so she got all pissy at like everyone. It’s like, JEEZ! Take a fricken chill pill mom! So yeah. Meryl started crying because mom yelled at her for always leaving her things downstairs. She came into my room and said “I hate it when mom yells at me like that! I just want to scream in her face I’M SORRY I’M NOT YOUR PERFECT CHILD!” Yeah, when mom talked to me, she yelled at me for not doing the dishes right the first time, and then she just had to bring up my face thing, AGAIN! I thought her nagging at me about cleaning my face was over. But she just wanted something else she could yell at me for. GOD MOM! Give it a fricken REST!
That was my evening.
Present day me: This entry helps me conceptualize how my mom treated us when we were growing up. I think this is a good example of how her temper played a part in our self-worth and how we handled it.
October 20, 2006
TODAY FRICKEN SUCKED!!! (except for the volleyball party). Okay well science fourth hour was really effed up! Well, we had to read out of the textbook and take notes. We had to read like 20 pages, and I wanted to take good notes. So, I read the first 2 sections and took like really good notes. Then the bell rang! And we were supposed to be done because there’s a test on Monday! God, I hate my teacher! Then we went to the cabin after the *volleyball party.* I was yelling WHOO-HOO and everyone got mad at me for it. So, I’m sitting in the living room by myself. Well the cat is laying next to me! I love my cat! And at this time, I hate my family.
<3 Always, Ava Estelle
Present day me: I do remember this day. I remember the volleyball party being fun with ice cream and treats. I remember yelling Whoo-hoo around my family and feeling left out because they weren’t on the same energy level as I was. I was fourteen.
October 18, 2006
Today was mom’s birthday. It was kind of a bad day between me and her. Well, this is what went down. I got home from school STARVING to fricken death! OMG! So, I go to get a bowl of cereal to eat. I pour Reese’s puffs into one of those bigger bowls that we have, (pink) and she comes into the kitchen. “You can have a fruit.” By that time, I had already poured the effin cereal, she looked down at the bowl and yelled right into my ear!!!! “THAT’S TWO SERVINGS IN THAT BOWL. YOU SHOULD EAT A FRUIT SO YOU DON’T TURN INTO A FAT PIG!” Yes, she said FAT PIG and that offended me a little. Oh! And she said, “Don’t do this to me on my birthday.” I was all like SHOVE IT MOM! UGH! That was incident #1! The second incident was after we got home from church, there were rice krispie treats on the stove so I ate one (There were only 3 left) I sat down in the living room and Meryl asked mom if we could have cake now. Mom looked at me and said, “Ava can’t have cake because she already has a rice krispie and she told me she was full.” (Okay, FYI mom I can NEVER be full for a rice krispie and Meryl told me to have one). So, I put the last bite into my mouth and told her, “Fine, I’ll go to bed.” I went upstairs and changed. I came back downstairs and made sure I couldn’t have any cake and they said I could, but mom said, “Sorry, but all you told me was how full and tired you were on the way home.” So, I didn’t sing Happy Birthday to her. And then she wished for me to sing to her. So, I just turned around and left. I’d be stuck with eyes looking at me anyway if I stayed. Meryl yelled out, “We love you!” and I yelled back, “I don’t care!” So yeah. Right after I got done brushing my teeth dad yelled up, “Come have some cake,” and I said, “I just got done brushing my teeth.” He left which was sorta surprising. Soo yeah, that was my day and my mom’s birthday.
Present day me: This is one of the very few entries I have about my mom at this age of my life. I usually didn’t write about these types of interactions because I didn’t want to remember it. Now as an adult I am glad I have this entry to look back on and remember. This is evidence of how our interactions were and continued to be for some time into my young adulthood. I decided to include this entry in my writings on here to share about the tumultuous relationship I’ve had with my mother.
August 7, 2006
It’s about time I write in here. Today, Meryl, Eddie and I picked up sticks and logs from the big tree limb that fell into our yard Saturday night. So that was actually okay. And I should let you know…. David broke up with me in June. I don’t remember the exact date, but it was a Thursday. So anyway, then he went out with Samantha Talky and now he’s going out with this chick Alexy who lives in his town with him. So, I’m glad he moved on. I HAVE NOT! I still *kinda* like him. But I can’t. I did meet the guy from across the street from the cabin! I don’t know his name, but I’m going to find out! Well, TTFN!
<3 Ava Estelle <3
Present day me: David was my very first boyfriend. We didn’t live in the same town, we met through a summer camp. We talked on the phone and on AOL instant messenger. It was fun back then. Now as an adult I’m glad I had a safe experience with my first boyfriend.
June 26, 2006
Today our foreign exchange student, Adela came. She’s from Spain and she doesn’t know much English. But she knows enough. We went to the park down the street and we played cards. Crazy Eights! It was okay, I think she was overwhelmed by mom though! But she was okay. And tomorrow Marina is coming to Band Practice with me so she can meet my teachers. And everybody else! I hope she likes it here.
<3 Ava Estelle <3
Present day me: I remember the day Adela arrived at our home. She was nervous and wary of us at first. She got to sleep in my own room, and I slept in another room that was considered the upstairs tv room. I think she may have felt she was imposing since I lost my bedroom while she was there. But overall, we had fun experiences with her visit and I learned more Spanish!
June 21, 2006
Wednesday, 10:32 pm!
I don’t know why but I’m seeing double. It sucks. Well anyway today Meryl had her third flute lesson at school and Eddie and me played tennis in the tennis courts. It was really hot out so we only played for twenty minutes. Then we went into the school, got a drink and walked around it all. It felt weird being in school in the summer. So after Meryl’s lesson we biked home, it took us half an hour but it was okay, I guess. And then (this is the best part) when Mom got home at 3 we went to the bank to take out money. $200 I never had that much REAL money in my hands before! I withdrew it because I got a NEW DIGITAL CAMERA!!!!!! It is soooo awesome! Nikon L4! I LOVE IT!
Bestest Camera Ever! (In cursive flowy writing)
And yeah, they gave me a $10 gift card for buying the camera, and my mom got a queen CD with it! Also she bought me a memory card and I bought some rechargeable batteries. My camera uses double A’s!
Ava Estelle <3<3<3 😊😊😊😊😊
**Walmart suggestion: Go to service desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway**
Present day me: I remember this day well. This is a really good memory for me and I loved using that camera!
April 10, 2006
Today I told Hillary that I hated her!!! Ohh! The power!! Haha! And so Amy told her that too! So me and Amy are over the Hill-bug! Yippee!!!
<3 Ava Estelle
**another Walmart suggestion: “Walk up to an employee and tell them in an official tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares….and see what happens.”
Present day me: I decided to include this one as well, albeit it’s length, because it really showed the audacity I had at that age to tell someone how I felt about them. Looking back, I did it for the hell of it. This was all done over AOL instant messenger. It’s not a good situation to be in as friends, girls in the 7th grade. I’m not proud of these actions.
March 28, 2006
I know it seems like the most boring day of the week, but it’s not, I guess. Today I went to school and rode my bike around with Eddie. Yeah and downloaded musaq 4 dad! I’m listening to Jungle Boogie by KC & the Sunshine Band!! Awesome song! Anyway, I gotta read and stuff so, ttyl!
<3 Ava Estelle <3
Present day me: I had somewhat of a struggle to include this entry or not because of it’s length and lack of interesting information. But I like it still because it reflects how I talked and wrote when I was that age. So I decided to include it anyway.
March 9, 2006
Yep! March is now here! Amy is going out with Gabe AGAIN! Yep, the one she always got into fights with. But now, she is “in LOVE with” Jerry and she wants to go out with him now! Yep! And guess what (what!) Jerry will go out with Amy, but he also wants to have s-e-x with her. Amy said, “He just started thinking about it” so yeah. What good friends I have!!
<3 The One and Only! (all swirly with cursive writing)
P.S. I think me, Alex, and Paula are going to Wal-Mart on Saturday!!!
** A cut out suggestion, from a random forwarded email, to do at Walmart, saying, “get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren’t looking.” **
Present day me: I find it hilarious I had that taped into this journal. There are other suggestions taped among a few pages in this spot of the book. At the time I only thought throwing condoms in random people’s carts would be good fun, but as an adult I can realize that it would not always turn out that way. I don’t remember going through with the list of things to do at Wal-Mart.
February 1, 2006
Today was a normal day at school! Spanish is like now my favorite class, but then I don’t sit by Tabitha, or Paula or Wendy, or any of my friends in that class. ☹ It’s a downer, cuz then idk it’s just a boring class, SOMETIMES! I still <3 it. Yeah well it’s Wednesday and I deep cleaned the bathroom! Whoo hoo! My mom said I had to wipe everywhere, even the floor and I did! So yeah! It’s 8:33pm and I’m getting kinda tired, so ttyl! I love that book!
Present day me: Going to reread TTYL when I get a chance!