October 25, 2009
Worked for 8 hours. Saw Derek at the end of my shift. He was on break, and I clocked out he smacked my butt twice and we were smiling at each other and the whole conversation with our eyes. (So cute) and then I see Delia in the window. So, his attitude just changes. But it was nice. I ended up going out to eat with her and her mom at Olive Garden. I didn’t eat much. I was sick Friday night and all yesterday. I’m feeling better for the most part. And am sad I didn’t get to hang out with Derek last night. But maybe on Tuesday, he has the day off. I know he really wants to hang out, so hopefully. And I hope this week goes by fast because I just want Halloween to come, Delia’s party! Woot! Just what I need, a party with my friends! 😊 hm, maybe I could hang out with Derek on Sunday. Well, that’s all for now.
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: I remember seeing Delia peeking into the break room through the window on the door and being alerted. She didn’t know about my secret relationship with Derek and we kept it on the down low with people at work too.
October 18, 2009
Been sick since Wednesday night.
Missed two days of school and work. Came home from work today. Feeling better now. Haven’t written in here for 10 days. Wow. Lame. Not much has been going on. Haven’t been talking to Derek much. I don’t know if I really have feelings for him. But, it’s good I don’t really need to make a decision because we can’t date anyway. So, yeah. I’m going to school and work tomorrow so it’ll suck for school but be find for work. That’s it.
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: I find it refreshing that at this point with my interactions with Derek I wasn’t obsessed with him or needed to see him all of the time. I still focused on other things.
October 8, 2009
Great day! Didn’t have school!
I had to work last night, so after work I came up to the cabin and texted with Derek until I went to sleep. This morning I told mom I was being picked up by Delia at 11, so I took Meryl home and then went over to Derek’s. He went above my underwear and when I first got there, I was freezing, so we went under his blankets and warmed up. I gave him a hand job of course and we kissed and caressed, and I warmed up quick. I ended up getting really into it and scratched him right in the middle above his abs. It only lasted for like 45 minutes. I wanted to keep going but every time after he cums, he’s done, and we clean up. So, I hung out at his house for a little while longer and then walked home. Delia picked me up and we went to the store to get discount movie tickets. Then stopped at Starbucks for her and Wendy’s for me. She took me home and I hung out there until 4:30 because I had to pick up Brad, Devin and Rhonda to go to Zombieland! It was us three, Delia, Craig, Brandon, Harry, and Garrett. It was a pretty good movie, I liked it. Us three girls went out to eat afterwards. I took Rhonda home. I told her about Derek, she’s the only one who knows. And Meryl, but I completely trust her. Then came home, packed, picked up Meryl and the cats and came back up to the lake. Aaron was having a bonfire and called me to invite us but instead we hung out in the street, Eddie threw an ice cube at the cars, and I guess made a dent, but whatever. That’s it! G’night!
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: I remember seeing Zombieland with everyone and having a great time. Also, having more fun with Derek is a little cringe to revisit but still helpful in looking back on my past.
October 6, 2009
Pretty good day!
School, normal, was sick yesterday, didn’t miss much. After school, went on myspace and talked to Kyle. He wanted to hang out. So, I went and picked him up. Told mom I was going to Wal-Mart. I took him to his friend Corey’s house (he’s cute) and they smoked. Oh joy. I left after like half an hour to go to Famous Dave’s to have dinner with Delia. It was good, we talked about a ton of stuff. A good hour and a half. Then I came home, picked up the camera and went to the volleyball game to take pictures for yearbook with Rayla. That was fun. Came home, sat on Facebook and then attempted homework, decided against it. so yeahh. That was my day. Kind of different to see Kyle again. He gave me a hug before I left and said he’ll call me on Thursday, so we’ll see. I kind of want to hang with Derek, but whatever. I don’t have feelings for Kyle, at all. I think I might have some for Derek, and that’s good? And bad. I don’t know. When I hung out with Derek on Sunday, I got wet on my sweatshirt from him and it looked like a smiley face. It was funny. And his friend Jimmy was there and was whistling at us while we were making out by the tree fort Eddie showed me years ago. Dereks like, “he could join us if you want.” I thought that’d be weird. But he ended up seeing my boobs so that’s all he gets. But he’s not ugly, so I don’t know. Whatever happens, happens. That’s all for not.
<3 Ava Estelle 😊
Present day me: I remember the time with Derek and Jimmy and not so much seeing Kyle. I think I just was really keen on being out of the house for any reason and hanging out with whomever was available. I’m glad my friendship with Delia stayed so intact throughout this time. It’s kind of cringe to reread my old sexual shenanigans but it’s also cathartic in a way.
October 4, 2009
Yesterday! -> went out to eat with Tabitha and Ashley. It was really good. Ashley took us back to my house. I grabbed my stuff, and we met Delia at Starbucks. We rant over to Shopko for ribbon and then to Tabitha’s house for her stuff and my place for her wallet she left. Then we went to Grace’s to get ready. Delia did my hair and make-up. We were all so pretty! We went to Katie’s for pictures and then Green Mill! We took more pictures at Green Mill, ate, and then went to the dance. I pretty much hung out with Tabitha and Delia. The dance was lame. The three of us decided to leave around 10:30. So I could take Delia to Katie’s to get her stuff, went to sonic, we were really hyper, we sat there for like an hour and then came back here. Stayed up a while longer and slept. I was texting with Derek at Sonic and until I went to sleep. This morning they left right away. I uploaded pictures and chilled out. Called Rhonda – walked around – met up with Derek and his friend Jimmy. We went in the woods at the end of my street and fooled around. I didn’t let him in my pants because it started raining in Ecuador today. So I came home, and just been chillen out. Going to team member night with Delia later.
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: The term raining in Ecuador is a phrase my friends and I used to mean it was our time of the month. This was a fun memory to relive because it was right around the time when I was stressed about my work friends and still able to hang out with my school friends.
September 27, 2009
Friday: School – laaaame. Went to the football game with Delia. It was rainy, kind of cold. Delia took me home and I went to bed. Alright day.
Saturday: got to drive and run to Best Buy, Wal-Mart, and Target with Eddie. And then I went to Great Clips with Meryl to get our hair cut. Came home, Tabitha and Delia came over so we could figure out homecoming stuff. I drove the two of them up to Shopko and we found a few things. We went to Starbucks and I took Tabitha home. Delia left a little after. I chilled and did homework. We rented a movie – Benjamin Button.
Sunday: went to work for 8 hours. Closed with a bunch of people. Came home and did homework. I don’t understand this chemistry at all. I have to get all A’s in order to be able to drive. So that’ll be good. Great. Fucking bullshit. Oh well, that’s it for now.
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: Not much to respond to about this entry from present day me.
September 20, 2009
Pretty good weekend. I think my life may be getting better. Friday after school I got to drive up to the cabin, I picked up Eddie at school and then met up with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Ivy, Uncle Gil and Aunt Bea at the cabin. I was in a really good mood since I got to drive! We went out to eat and there was a cute waiter there who served us. I think he was looking at me, he gave me my food first when he brought it all out. Hehe. We came back to the cabin and played Butt Darts! That was a lot of fun! My team won! With Aunt Bea, Uncle Gil, Eddie, and Preston. We put a quarter between our butt cheeks and walked across the room to try and drop it into a cup on the floor. After that we played LOL and I went to bed around midnight. Woke up, got ready for work, and drove back into town and worked for 8 hours. That was one looooong day. I went out to eat with Tabitha at Fazoli’s and then to Rachel’s to babysit for a few hours. Her kid slept the whole time and woke up once, so I watched tv and came home around 1:30am and went to bed. I woke up, went to work for 4 hours, came home and Delia brought over the laptop! 😊 it’s awesome! We went to Starbucks and talked for a while. She brought me home and I just sat on Facebook for a while. Now I should do some homework.
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: I remember this time. It was so much fun playing games with my family and laughing a lot. The game LOL stands for Lines of Laughter, which is based on scenes from a hat from the show Whose Line is it Anyway? Its nice to read an entry just about my happenings for a few days. Family time, work time, and friend time!
September 15, 2009
My life is fucked up!
I have to get a new job.
I applied at Michaels and Shopko.
And mom said I might have to quit even if I don’t get hired anywhere else. Ugh! I hate this.
Why did I have to hang with Derek this last time? I wish I could erase that. Ugh!
Maybe if I pray it will be better, help me a little. Who knows. I just wish my parents would just give this some time and see how the next few weeks go.
That’s it for now.
Present day me: I like that I wrote about a bad day within my journals. I tended to write more about good things happening instead of the bad so I wouldn’t remember them as much. But, in hindsight I’m glad I wrote about bad things too, it did help me to get out my feelings at the time and help me process through the tougher times.
September 12, 2009
Last night I went to work and worked with Shelby, Hilly and Derek. I found out Hilly and Derek had sex in April and I told her and Shelby about me and Derek. So that was a little unexpected. And today I was supposed to go to a birthday party for Grace, Maddy and Kayla, but I couldn’t so I sat at home. Crappy day. Mom and Cathy had a bonfire so I talked with them and dad and the first step to getting my freedom back is to find a new job. I’m not going to tell anyone at work about it. But I’ll talk with my friends about it. I’m thinking I’ll try Michael’s again, and maybe Target. Whatever. I guess I’ll go to bed. I’m sleepy.
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: I remember during the process of me finding a job and figuring out where to apply to my parents both told me that no job is beneath me and I should apply to different places. Then when I get a job at goodwill, my mom decides that everyone who works there is below me and isn’t good enough to be my friend and then threatens me to find a new job just 5 months after I started. Really really lame.
September 9, 2009
I’m fucking screwed again.
Mom and dad found out I was with Derek on Saturday night. God fucking damnit! So I’m in deeper shit and can’t go anywhere and probably have to wait longer to get my car back. Mom hasn’t gotten home yet so it’s just a matter of time until I get my ass chewed again. UGH! I hate this. And Derek isn’t texting me back – he just did and said okay. Nothing more to say. I just hope to God I can keep my job.
I know I’ve lost my parents’ trust and gotten the car taken away. Please just let me keep my job. I won’t hang out with Derek or anyone else. I will stay with my friends and people from my school. Please please please please. And it’d be great if I could go to Kayla’s party. But I doubt it.
Present day me: I remember this time very well and learning that my mom especially had issues and was extremely judgmental about the people who worked at my job. She required me to get a job when I was 16 but then judged who I worked with and took any opportunity she could to control me and who I spent time with. It was like she couldn’t trust me to learn on my own and tried to keep me within this invisible box.