July 22, 2008
Tuesday around 11am.
Just woke up at about 10, took a shower and came out here, to sit in the sun and maybe get a little tanner. I’m listening to Love is Like Oxygen….. I haven’t heard this song in so long. It brings me back to before the whole past year. Before I met Aaron, before Gram died, before I got my temps and my mom pestering me to get a job and more money, before I got bad grades in school because of the stupid family vacation being scheduled for review for finals time. It brings me back to before freshman year. And now it’s ending.
So, now the real reason I’m writing in here this early in the morning and nothing has happened yet today. Last night I went online and in the status for Tori it said “is with Aaron right now and more than happy” I went on his myspace because it said he updated profile information and Tori had written like three paragraphs about who Aaron is and how amazing he is. So, I know now the relationship is serious. I got kind of sad, but I didn’t want to call anyone. They don’t want to hear me complain about someone who I’ve liked forever and said more than once that I’m over him. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to get over him. I just wish I had another guy I could hang out with.
So last night I was thinking about all this, and I thought of writing Aaron a note about my feelings for him. I’m not going to give it to him, it’ll just be in here for me to read, it might help me get over him faster. So here it goes.
I’ve had a crush on you for a really long time now. When I first met you when your dog chased my cat down my driveway, and you rode your bike over and talked to me and my sister and brother I thought you were really nice and cute. So, when I had that party in November 2007, I was really excited you came over and talked to me and my friends. And as I was hanging out with you more and getting to know you better, I thought we’d maybe go out or something. But maybe I got scared or something because I didn’t really talk to you much anymore and I saw you go down to Tori’s a few times. I was getting sad, I felt like I didn’t want our friendship to end just because you had a girlfriend down the street. So, when you came over in the summer when we had friends up, I had a better understanding of everything. It would be okay if we’d be friends.
Well, I think that’s it. Bye!
So when dad came home from work today him Eddie and I went up to the cabin. We drove past Tori’s house and I see Aaron’s atv parked in the yard. So I choke back my sadness and when we get there I empty the water out of the paddle boat. I have to pee so I go back up to the bathroom. Eddie and I were hanging out on the little boat trailer and Eddie sees Tori over at Aaron’s house. And we see them walk over to my house. So I meet Tori. She seems nice and she really wanted to meet me. So yeah. And she can sit like a frog like me! I think that’s pretty awesome! So I show her around my house and we sit in the back room and talk for a little while. Then we played DDR. Aaron actually played! Then they left. It was a good time. I’m glad I got to meet her finally!
<3 Ava Estelle
Present day me: I really enjoyed this entry. It brings out the maturity I had at that age about emotions. But it also pointed out a time when I decided not to rely on others for some emotional support. This can be helpful for some friendships, but overall, I believe necessary for real friendships. Anyway, I liked reading this letter I wrote to Aaron and never gave to him. It helped put things into an order of understanding for me in a way.